Grumbles Killalot

Chaotic Neutral, Half Orc


The Half-Orc Barbarian, Grumbles Killalot, a brave and powerful killing machine, was himself killed in battle by a swarm of (drunken) goblins and bugbears. He did his best and mowed down a respectable number of the enemy, but sheer numbers overwhelmed him. He did manage to kept one alive for interrogation.

If Grumbles were alive today he'd like to thank the loyal Hanse for his brave efforts. It is to Hanse that he leaves his most treasured possessions: a greataxe, a greatsword, and a heavy crossbow.

As Grumbles would say, "Grumble, grumble".

Grumbles Ded

An Ode to our Dear Dad, wot taught us all we no.

Grumbles the mighty half-orc,
he swung a mighty sword,
and if he finally hit you
it did +99 or more.
Grumbles the slavering half-orc,
he didn't talk a lot,
and if he wasn't fightin
he didn't give a jot.
Grumbles the goblicidal half-orc
he walked with head held high,
and if you didn't run away
he'd stab you in the eye.
Grumbles the slightly dead half-orc
lies bleeding in the dust,
and to the green bastards wot slew him,
may your swords all bloody rust.

-- Fumbles, and Bumbles

A tale of grief

This tale of grief, of woe of pride,
Of a comrade crossed to the "other side"
Has a morale as deep as it can hide;
"For meat was hard to come by"

Half-Orcen Grumbles fierce and bold
Left kith and kin to roam the world
For he wished to fight and kill things -
To make blood spurt with his sword swings.

He left his wife, his sons, his home
And traveled far and fast alone;
He fought for neither Gods or Kings
But for the joy that killing brings.

Then met a group who like-of-mind
Sought all the loot that they could find.
A task they undertook to do
Gave him a chance for fighting too

So deep into the mountains cold,
They sought and found the Bandit's hold.
Their battle plans showed signs of skill,
The Bandits they did quickly kill.

Then the spoor of a Goblin Band
Led even farther overland
And then it went deep underground
But finally the end they found.

Goblins are small and easy meat
But 300+ is quite some feat
With Bug-Bears to complete the set
They faced a challenge best not met.

Back down the tunnel went the chase
First to the bridge will win the race.
A burst of speed, the end's in sight -
And safe across, the bridge they light.

So back they trudged to whence they come
Sure in themselves their job was done
And so believing all was well,
Our group slept sound and woke to Hell

All round the Inn the Goblins swarmed
While in the village houses burned
Awake Grumbles snatched up his sword
Down stairs in to the fray he roared

He smote - they died: Killalots name
Was seen to be the Goblin's Bane
But once again, being too few
They're forced to leave 'ere all they'd slew

At next days dawn a group of three
Damir, Grumbles and wee Hansie
Back to the Inn in stealth did go
To see how numerous their foe

There was but one aim for their day
'Grab a Goblin, then sneak away'
The Goblin Grumbles snatched with ease
And trussed it up neat-as-you-please

Back to the Inn Grumbles did stride
Eschewing stealth; no thought to hide
Now half-Orcs can't count much past two
To Grumbles they were "but a few"

Alone he stood and faced his foe
But there were more than he could know
His Great Bow spent, he swung his sword
All by himself, he'd kill this hoard!

But Grumbles fell in the dusty street
His choicer bits Goblins did eat
Let this a warning be to you
"Don't bite off more than you can chew"

-- Lyselle

Back to Necrology.

Stupid things we've overheard...

How many times do I have to tell you: there's no ghosts here!

Random Quote

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating–people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.